Behind the Scenes of FMA
by Blank.Verse.Bloopers
Summary: Crack. Pure and simple.
1. Chapter 1

**So my friend and I we sittign around, talking about what else? Edward Elric! But of course...so then we sort had this idea to just be stupid and come up wiht a random variety of things that are bound to happen between episodes of FMA...where/ when they will take place shall varry...how many there will be...also shall varry...I dunno how well this is gonna work out...but we're bound to have fun with it anyway...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist**

**Prepare for the stupidness! **

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Edward Elric moved quickly down the street. Why moing so quickly you may ask? Simple. Edward was running. From what you ask? Well it all started two days...

A very depressed looking Edward Elric walked out of the doctors office sulking and muttering to himslef.

"Nii-san!" Al strode up to his brother, but his happy tone soon changed to one of confusion. "What's wrong? What did the doctor say? ARE YOU GOING TO DIE!"

"No Al, I-"

"NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T DIE! YOU JUST CAN'T! YOU HAVEN'T HIT YOUR GROWTH SPIRT YET!"

"**ARE YOU CALLING ME SHORT!**"

"Um...no?"

"You better not be."

"So did the doctor measure you?"

"Yes"

"And did you find out how much you've grown?"

"Yes"

"And...?"

Ed mumbled something unrecogniseable in a low voice.

"What?"

Ed's head turned slowly back to face Al, a look of pure murderous intent on his face. Al held his hand's up to show that he would no longer threaten his older brother's self esteem. "Um...never mind."

Ed and Al reached their hotel room and Ed flopped on the bed, still upset about whatever the doctor had told him. Now despite his brother's tendency to be...er...sensitve about his height, he usually had a decent portion of respect for doctors. After all, Winry's parents had been doctors and even military doctors had a tendency to be more caring than other military staff. Al expected his brother to be a little ticked off (understatement much?) at first, but then he thought it would die down. However, Ed continued to sulk, and refused to tell his younger brother anything about his visit to the doctor.

After realizing that Ed was not going to tell him anything, Al decided he'd visit the doctor and find out straight from the source what had gone on in his brother's check up. So he walked into the office and stepped into the elevador. A small boy kpet staring at him. Eventually, he spoke:

"Hey mister."

"Yes?"

"Why do you waer that armor when it's so hot?"

"It doesn't bother me?"

"Why not?"

"Becuase."

"Because why?"

"It's hard to explain."

"Why?"

"Becuase the situation is most complex."

"Why?"

"Becuase it's not something that most people cannot grasp."

"What happened?"

"It's complicated." Al could feel his temper slowly rising. Why the heck was this office so high up? Why did this bratty little boy have to be in the same elevador as himself? Why was he asking all these questions? 'Noooooo! I'm starting to sound like this kid!'

"What happened? Why is it so complicated?"

"It just is."

"Why?"

"Because when my mother died my brother and I tried to bring her back to life but instead we accdently tranmuted my soul into a completely new body and then I died at which time my brother bound my soul to this suit of armor."

Blink blink.-kid

"MOMMY!"

blink blink-Al

Ok, so...other than the random pesky child whose mother let him ride in an elevador alone, the trip to the doctors office went smoothly. Al found out a vital peice to his current puzzle. Al however, realized that to complete the doctor's wishes would require some help. He was going to need backup. The best in the buisiness. Al rushed ot the hotel and began making phone calls. Winry and Roy Mustang would meet him tomorrow outside of central H.Q, and operation Doctor's Orders would begin.

We rejoin Ed running down the streets away form Al and his accomplises. It was only a matter of time before...

WHAM!

Out of nowehere Ed smacked right into Al. 'Note to self. When running, try not to look beck so much.'

From behind Mustang and Winry pounced on our blond haired hero and lifted him off the ground. They then ran cackling thorugh town back the hotel, where they would complete phase two of their operation.

In said hotel, Ed found himsefl tied to a chair. Next to a table. And on that table, was the one thind Ed had been dreading since his trip to the doctor. Milk.

"NOOO!" he shouted. "What sort of madness is this."

"Well," Al began, "the doctor said you needed more calcium in your diet or your bones would weaken..."

"We care about you Ed, "Winry continued, "and we want you to be healthy."

Roy: "Hehe. I just wanted to see your face when you were tied to a chair."

Winry: Glare

Roy: Sigh "I suppose I care about you too."

Ed: "I don't know whether to be grateful or freaked out" Looks at milk. "Freaked out. Definetly freaked out."

Al: "Ed, you are not going anywhere untill this milk in gone. And when I say gone, I mean it should enter your stomach."

Ed: "Why can't I take calcium suplements."

Roy: "First: this is much more fun. Second: Would you even _take_ said supplements?"

Ed mumbled something about Roy being too used to being right or something about the militatry. Perhaps it was sometihg about milk belonging in hell...who really knows...Ed was not happy...

Ed thus began his staring contest with the milk. He could not, and he would not, drink that glass of milk. Something would have to be done. Suddenly Ed's scowl, changed into an evil smirk.

Ed: "Al, will you please unite me if I promise on my honor as an alchemist that I will not run away..."

Roy: "You have honor?"

Al: "Okay Ed." (completely ignoring Roy) "I'll let you go, but you must promise to consume that milk."

Ed: "I promise."

Al: "Well Okay."

Al proceeded to untie his older brother who stood up and glare at the milk. He then grabed a plate pout of nowhere and poursed the milk onto the plate. If Al had eyebrows he'd have one above the other in a look of pure confusion. Ed then clapped his hands together and touched his gloved fingers into the plate of milk.

"Curdle I say! Curdle!"

Ok, Ed was offcially insane...or was he?

Suddenly, there on the plate was a small hunk of cheese.

"Mmmmm. Cheese." Ed immediatley ate said cheese and smiled at Al, Winry, and Roy. Al and Winry sweatdroped and Roy just muttered something about cheating.

This is undesputible proof that once again, Edward Elric is amazing! Yey for Ed and yey for cheese!

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**So...What do you think? It was supposed to be random so I hope you enjoyed! Review!**

**Credit for this stupiness goes to me and my good friend whom I shall codename miko-chan...if said person has objections to said codename just lemmie know ok? **

**There may be more to come...suggestions please! Fangirl drabbles accepted...i cannot garuntee I will use all of your ideas but I promise i will consider anything I recieve! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here it is folks! Hot of the presses! Can't you just taste the strangeness? Smell the randomeness wafting from your computer! Hmm...all of these food metaphors are making me hungry...oh! look! pie! I hope you all enjoy it! I'm gonna go enjoy some pie!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA (but I do own the pie! yey pie!)**

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"Shopping. It can be extremely dangerous. One must have a keen eye and know exactly what they're looking for. If not they are sure to get lost in the alluring prospect of sales and brightly colored price tags. One must stay alert and..."

"Hey Ed! Who are you talking to?"

"GAH! Winry...what are you doing here?"

"Well, shopping, I figured that would be obvious. What I'm wondering, is what _you're_ doing here...?"

"I was hoping my disguise would help.." the elder Elric brother mumbled.

"What you mean your trench coat and black sunglasses?"

"No...actually I was talking about the large sign on my back that says "Hi I'm Edward Elric"-OF COURSE THE TRENCH COAT!"

"Well, I suggest not shouting anymore...your fangirls might spot you."

"GAH! You're right Quick RUN AWAY!"

Edward grabbed Winry's hand and dragged her off as he ran at inhuman speeds toward the nearest phone booth.

"Um...Ed? Why are we in a phone booth?"

"I dunno...hiding in phone booths always seems to work in movies."

Winry slapped her forehead. "Ed, this isn't a movie. That came out a while ago remember?"

"Of course I do! Hence my dilema!"

"-giggle- say dilema again..."

"Um...Dilema?'

"Hmm...not as funny...anyway...continue..."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Okaaaay...anyway...obviously our amazing movie came out a while ago which featured some lovely acting on my part and some amazing Alachemy by Al and myself. Roy had his litle moment too I guess...so did you...don't get me wrong everyone did a good job...but I mean c'mon, we ll know the real reason everyone goes to see my movies...however maybe if our writers could keep my shirt on for five minutes..."

"Rambling!"

"Oh! Right! Anyway...in the movie did ou notice how Al kind of hijacks my 'look'?"

"I suppose so..."

"Yes, well he does. It's not his fault...after all he's got fangirls too...but the point is, I can no longer hope to keep an individual image with my 'old' look...since Al has pretty much stolen it. -grumbles-"

"So you're here to get some new clothes to reinstate your individuality?"

"Hey! That's a great idea! I didn't even think about that! I was just here to see if people would still recognise me..."

Winry slapped her forehead. "C'mon Ed...let's see if we can get you some new threads."

"Yosh!"

Ed then alchemised the phone booth into a motor scooter and hopped on.

"Um...what's this for?"

"Hello. I'm Edward Elric, you don't expect me to _run _from my fangirls do you? I have to escape with style."

"Whatever you say." Winry jumped on the scooter and they sped off through the mall.

* * *

Winry sighed. "Ed, you can't wear stripes."

"Well, why not..."

"They make you look pale."

"But...I'm already pale..."

"Yes...well...I don't know what to do...you don't like anything I pick out for you."

"That's because everything you pick out is wierd."

"Weird?"

"I have a very specific style."

"You wear he same thing all the time."

"Well now I can't, so I say...this calls for a completely new look!" said Ed taking a victory stance and posing for a photographer that suddenly appeared.

"How long have you been here?" Winry inquired.

"Didn't you read what the author typed. I just appeared."

"Get out," Winry sighed. The photographer vanished as quickly as he had come.

-Rap Music Plays- Ed Stepped out of the dressing rom looking like...a rapper? Yes, that's right people, Edward Elric rapper extroidenaire...

"Ed what do you think you're doing?"

"Trying out new looks, yo."

"Well...thats a definate 'No.'"

"Wurd."

-Heavy Metal Plays- Ed stepped out wearing a completely back outfit. His trench coatc had returned except it was open. Under it he wore a fishnet shit under a balck tee shirt with the word 'DEATH' written on it in red letters. He wore black jeans wih some kind of chain coming off it.

"Definetly not."

"..."

"Were you just silent?"

"..."

"Go change Ed."

Ed nodded and vanished into the dressing room.

-Epic Music Plays-

"If you're dressed like a viking don't even come out here!!"

"Awww..." came from inside the dressing room.

-(I couldn't think of music for this one)-

"Ed! That's perfect!"

"Um...I really don't think-"

"I can't wait to show Al!"

"No, Winry-Wa--"

And Edward was drgged out of the store in a suit of armor that greatly resembled that of Alphonase Elric.

* * *

"Al! Hey Al!"

"Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you waering my suit of armor?"

"Well you...wait a second..."

Ed peered at his brother through the armor. Unfortunately, peering was not one of Ed's stronger points. So he had to lean closer to his bother; and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, until...**WHAM!!!**

Ed had fallen onto his poor little brother and all but crushed him with the great force of his mighty armor.

Jus then Roy walked in. "Hey you two I just--" he spied the chaos that was armor and Elrics "--I'll just come back later then."

Ten minutes after the Elrics escaped the terror of the armor and alchemised it into a statue of...well...lets just say it was the dawning of modern art!

"So...Al," Ed said looking at his younger brother, "why aren't you wearing my outfit."

"Well...it's you're outfiit Ed not mine. I would hate to take that away from you."

Ed gave his brother a disbelieving look. "No, seriously...why?"

Al sighed. "People kept mistaking me for you. I got glomped a couple of times and people kept asking me to rip my shirt off. It was creepy. Kind of flattering, but mostly creepy."

"Yeah. That stuff happens...to me."

"True!"

"So...what did we learn from all this?"

Al: Fangirls are evil?

Roy: Shopping is the ultimate enemy of all things male?

Winry: Ed can should never dress Emo?

Ed: All very true...but no, I think the overall lesson here is that the authoresses are crazy.

And all nodded in agreement!

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**Yes people, you knew it was coming...Ed ward goes shopping...miko-chan and I had a lovely two minute brainstorm when we got together a month or two ago and this is what we came up with. Since miko's gonna be MIA for an indefinite amount of time, I have found another to help me come up with ideas. Next time, don't miss: Ed teaches my Chem class...good times, good times.**

**p.s. Reviewer will receive pretend virtual pie!**


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